So, for the first few days of January, I started looking for a word. Every powerful thing I heard, watched or read, I tried to make it my word for the year.
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There were moments of tears, exhaustion, anxiety, sadness, pain, betrayal, sickness, and grief, but God is faithful. I survived it!
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There have even been at least three occasions I’ve told God, “I don’t care what you say. I’m sick of this, I’m saying something today. Enough is enough.”
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After some time, the members began to recognize me as Marcus’ wife. However, no one really knew me because I remained cordial, but not engaging.
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Whenever I’m in a downward spiral about the timeline of my life, the Spirit always confronts me with the question of who am I measuring my timeline against.
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It was as if I was having an outer body experience, watching a version of me enjoying a vacation.
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Although I traveled to these places for either business or personal, every trip had one thing in common: Each destination was prepared for my arrival.
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Did I say enough? Did I do enough? Did I miss any warning signs? Where was my discernment? Did I miss opportunities to follow up or reach out? And why did God allow this to happen?
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By hoping the enemy would leave me alone because I ignore him or because I don’t antagonize him, it’s possible that I’ve invited some demonic access and manifestations into my life. By being afraid to confront the enemy, I’ve likely left some areas of my life vulnerable and without a defense.
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God, you said a lot of things that week to not have given me any specific details. Why do you have to be so elusive? Do you want me to follow your perfect will or not? If so, then just tell me what you want me to do!
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Because the truth is, if I have to go outside His will to get it, I’ll have to stay outside His will to keep it.
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Dear Satan, you’ve tried to discourage me over the last week. You’ve tried to convince me to focus on my expectations. You’ve tried to distract me from what really matters most when it comes to ministry, but my “Yes” still stands.
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I kept trying to offer other types of sacrifice but He’d already made it clear what He wanted. So eventually, I said “Yes” to His will and neglected mine. And my life has not been the same.
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Now, that sounds good but I definitely got off track in February and didn’t get back on track until December after a much needed fast from my personal social media accounts. And now that the new year is around the corner, my theme for 2022 is, “New Year, Same Focus.”
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Black Friday shopping had been thrilling for me because it was the one time of year I could afford to purchase certain wants and luxuries. I’d wait all year to purchase a TV, a laptop, a phone or some popular kitchen appliance.
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The spirit of religion made me feel greedy for asking God for greater, for better, for more.
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Although my fears were legitimate, I knew I couldn’t allow them to have more influence than the Spirit working through me.
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There are moments where I feel like I’m wasting time because I’m not working. Then, I remind myself of the occasions I’ve worked with no rest and try to enjoy my rest time.
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The Bible states that God “tested” Abraham (Genesis 22:1). The Hebrew word for tested is nissah, which translates to mean “to provide the quality of” not “to entice to do wrong.”
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You don’t have the power to cancel anything I want to do. That’s my event that I allow you to host for my daughters. I’ll find someone else to be the host and continue the event before I allow it to be cancelled.
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