Happy Birthday to Me!
Birthdays are weird the older I become. I always look forward to my birthday because of the love and celebration that will surround me. And yet, my birthday also serves as a reminder that I’m one year older and still not where I think I should be. In the end, I’m left feeling extreme gratitude with a tinge of regret.
One thing I’ve had to remind myself the last days of September is something I often heard growing up in church: “He may not come when you want Him, but He’s always on time.” That phrase, and song, served as an affirmation about the perfection of God’s time. It also served as a reminder that our concept of time differed from the context in which God decides to operate.
Whenever I’m in a downward spiral about the timeline of my life, the Spirit always confronts me with the question of who am I measuring my timeline against. And I never have a genuine response to support the need for a legitimate concern on my behalf. However, I have recognized that the spiral begins whenever I compare my successes to those I perceive as peers or competitors. As a result, I always see myself as lagging behind. And as long as I compare myself to others, I’ll never be satisfied with what Jesus does for me.
Thankfully, because of the infinite wisdom of God combined with the human experience of Jesus Christ, the Bible provides encouragement for this. Isaiah 60:22 reassures me that “…At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen.” So, either I trust that the same God who created the world with such specification that it continues to exist today, is the same God who created me for a purpose before I was in my mother’s womb, or I don’t. Either I trust that God is a good father who won’t allow me to bear the responsibility of what I can’t manage or I don’t. Either I trust that God loves me and that His plans for me are to prosper me, give me hope and a future, or I don’t. Either I trust that all things work together for me, even my mistakes, because I love Him and I’m called according to His purpose, or I don’t.
If I don’t remain mindful about the intention of God’s timing and His thoughtfulness about the details of my life, two things can happen:
I will stop trusting God and His timing and begin trying to make things happen for myself. And if I have to go outside of God’s will to get it, I’ll have to stay outside His will to keep it.
I will stop trying altogether and be overtaken by laziness, idleness, and inactivity. Like any unused item, this too leads to waste. And may ultimately result in spiritual, and physical, death.
To prevent next year’s birthday celebration from being one of both gratitude and regret, I’m going to focus on the sovereignty of God. I’m going to focus on the reality that because I’m living according to the will of God for my life, I’m exactly where He wants me to be. If I wasn’t, He can place me where He wants me to be because He’s God. And it’s reassuring to know that although I’m not where I want to be, thank God I’m not where I use to be. Life isn’t perfect but God is.