When God Won’t Choose for You

There is a war I face every year as I prepare to host The Well.

By now, I recognize that this conflict is broad and ongoing.

And each year, I come prepared to fight using the tools and wisdom gained from the previous year. However, to date, I have been winning battles, but I have yet to win the war.

I have won battles concerning partnership, trusting God for provision, and placing my expectations in Him. But I have yet to win the battle concerning spiritual passivity and the tension between paralyzed faith and active faith expressed through works.

This year, one of the decisions in this battle looked like choosing between two options to produce the most desired result.

Both options would have had fruitful outcomes. But one option was a great decision based on reason, while the other felt like a great decision based on faith.

Months ago, I narrowed in on the two options, hoping that as the time drew closer to make a decision, the Lord would make the decision for me and place His weight on one of them.

But that never happened.

One of my vendors eventually asked for my final decision so they could make arrangements accordingly, and I realized I had to make a decision.

So I chose the option that felt like the decision based on faith.

I believe the tension lies in the fact that I am naturally an overachiever. If you tell me what needs to get done, I am going to get it done. But that mindset can easily translate into believing that human effort alone produces expected outcomes, leaving little room for faith.

At the same time, I also believe that faith should produce good works. Because of my faith in the expected outcome, I naturally sow effort into the vision.

But unfortunately, I have yet to discover the balance between the two. And because I fear working in a way that puts me ahead of God — or behind Him — I often find myself standing still altogether.

I drift into spiritual passivity — a polished way of hiding behind phrases like, “I’m trusting God” or “God is in control” so I don’t risk putting in too much effort… or not enough.

But unfortunately, that isn’t trust.

It’s paralyzed faith.

This is the one battle I can’t seem to get past.

And when I am deep in that passive stage of the battle, I do everything I can to escape my reality. Sometimes that looks like binge-watching TV or disappearing into a good Christian romance novel.

But year after year, this part of the war ends the same way: The Holy Spirit breaks through the noise and gives me a word. I come back to myself. I jump back into planning mode. But now, the clock is on my back.

And suddenly, I’m making decisions that should have been solidified months ago.

I keep waiting for certainty before moving, but faith often requires movement before certainty.

Not recklessness. Not striving. But movement.

And maybe that’s what I am finally learning.

When God allows me to choose — despite my desire for divine interruption — that is not abandonment. That is spiritual maturity. That is stewardship. That is partnership.

He wanted me to choose.

Maybe this ongoing war is not faith versus works after all. Maybe the war is learning how to move without the guarantee of certainty.

Maybe spiritual maturity is realizing that trusting God does not always look like waiting for clearer instructions.

Sometimes it looks like making the best decision you can with wisdom, faith, and obedience… and trusting Him enough to meet you there.