Serving while fighting...

In the words of Jazmine Sullivan, “I’m not scared of lions, tigers, and bears, but I’m scared of [disappointing] you.”

While Jazmine wrote those words to a man she desired and feared loving, I’m echoing them to express something much deeper—my fear of disappointing Jesus.

Let me explain.

The Dream

The week leading up to hosting my quarterly ministry event, A Day at The Well, I had a dream that I was fighting a bear.

I was in a small, minimally furnished room with a table and another person—perhaps a woman, though I never saw her face. The dream began mid-battle. The door was closed, and the bear was already in the room with us.

Armed with only a pencil, I began stabbing the bear. It used its weight and butt to push me against the wall, trying to crush me. My pencil grew duller with every strike, and I grew weaker, but I knew I couldn’t stop. The person in the room wasn’t helping me fight, so it was either me or the bear.

Eventually, I won.

I woke up feeling strong—ready to fight. Almost daring the enemy to “try me not!” I interpreted the dream as confirmation of my spiritual strength. It felt like God’s reminder that even when life is full—meetings, motherhood, ministry—He has equipped me to win. So naturally, I drew a few key lessons:

• Use whatever you have to fight. God will make up the difference with His power.

• Don’t give up. The Lord will fight for you and through you.

• Check your circle. You might be fighting beside people who aren’t equipped to fight with you.

I shared those lessons online, believing the dream was purely encouragement.

The Revelation

But after A Day at The Well was over, I realized the dream may have been more than motivation—it was also a warning.

Although the event was one of the best I’ve ever hosted—beautifully executed, full of love, presence, and flow—my family and I were simultaneously fighting a spiritual battle behind the scenes.

It wasn’t until our post-event debrief that I realized how much the enemy had been trying to back me into a corner.

And then, the questions hit me: If I truly won the fight in my dream, why did I have to serve and fight at the same time? Why couldn’t the warfare end before the event?

But a friend reminded me that a distraction from the enemy doesn’t cancel what God accomplished. The victory of that day—the lives refreshed, the women restored—was still very real.

The Lesson

Now, I see it differently.

What felt like weakness was actually strength. What looked like survival was actually grace.

“For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) His power is made perfect in weakness—and that’s how I could pour into others at A Day at The Well while privately fighting battles of my own. His grace was sufficient, and His strength carried me through.

So today, I’m not scared of lions, tigers, or bears. I’m not even afraid of fighting. I just never want to stop relying on the One who fights for me.

Have you ever had to fight while you served? What did God show you in the middle of the battle? Share your story in the comments below—I’d love to hear how God has been your strength, too.