Years of Sunday School, Tuesday Night Bible Study and Friday Night Teaching taught me countless scriptures and stories... And yet, when I was mature enough to pursue the Lord for myself, I didn’t have the appetite.
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January 1, 2020, Superman and I found out I was pregnant. Given our previous experiences, I was cautiously excited but very surprised.
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My ministry isn’t easy, it’s controversial. It requires a willingness to be honest and transparent to identify and address errors and an ability to be vulnerable to seek deliverance and healing.
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“Last year had unbelievable, life-changing, gut wrenching changes. Some changes hurt deeply but I was happy to welcome others. Honestly, after the unexpected battles in 2018, I lowered my expectations for 2019.“
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“…I questioned our marriage often. Did we make a mistake? Did we move too fast? Lord, did we want to get married or did God want us to get married? I’d even asked my mother, “Why did you let me get married?” When everything was perfect, I was sure my marriage was God’s will.”
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“As I began studying, I kept hearing, “Accept What God Allows.” I didn’t like it. I wanted to make the congregation dance and run around the building! I didn’t want to come off as insensitive, I wanted them to like me.”
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In August, I was at a radio station interview preparing to speak about something I battled privately in 2018- miscarriage.
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Sometimes the anxiety is so great, so consuming, so palpable, I’d rather not continue to pursue purpose if it would eliminate the anxiety altogether.
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“That ‘ol sly devil!”
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…I’m not my best self when Kolanda is in need of care. I can’t serve others effectively when I’m empty. I want to serve others from my overflow, not my main flow.
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Every time I accomplish one thing, He puts something else in my heart to accomplish. Each level is more daring, requiring deeper faith, stretching and bringing forth parts of me I didn’t know existed.
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I realized that I often poured into others without refueling. I forgot about me.
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