Woman Evolve

March is Women’s History Month. So, I guess it’s fitting that the Lord dealt with me regarding my womanhood this month. I’ve had to face core issues in my womanhood as a wife, as a mother, and as a ministry leader.

This March my husband and I celebrated 20 years of being together (7 years dating, 13 years married). While I was looking forward to commemorating the day with a memorable activity, the anniversary actually prompted my husband to lead us into a discussion about the future of our relationship. I didn’t like it. The conversation was gritty, vulnerable, emotional, and lasted over a two-week span. Little did I know, it was a much needed reality check that the teenage boy I’d fallen in love with was a distant memory. It was time for me to acknowledge, even grieve, who my husband and I were, to appreciate who we are becoming. While our teenage foundation will always remain a part of our love story, there comes a time when remodel, repair, and/or reconstruction is needed. It’s like looking at your childhood home after 20 years. Most of the building materials, appliances and structural cosmetics are likely outdated. And if you want the home to last another 20 years or so, the outdated must be updated so the home is up to code.

This March has also been a month of intentional parenting with my sons. With the birth of our second son, I asked God to give me the wisdom to parent and mother my sonshines as individuals. I asked Him to reveal their love languages because I want to meet their needs accordingly. And I asked Him to help me to recognize their talents, gifts and abilities early on so I can nurture them now. Since this has been my prayer, it shouldn’t have surprised me when my oldest sonshine told me this month that he wanted to quit an extracurricular activity that I thought he was loving. But it did. Thankfully, one day the Holy Spirit prompted me to talk to my son. “Just ask Him what he wants,” the Spirit encouraged me. Thinking back, my hesitancy in asking my sonshine what he wanted was more about me thinking that I knew him, versus having to get to know the current version of him as he approaches another birthday in May. I realize that like me, my sonshine also has a distinct purpose for which he was created. And since his current interests, exceptionalities and genius are foreign to me, I have to be more intentional about partnering with God to be his mother. After all, the Lord is the One who knows him best.

This March has also marked a moment of self-discovery in ministry. I’ve been dealing with bouts of loneliness this month when it came to ministry. And because I couldn’t explain it, I told myself that my growing appetite for the Word had made me abnormal. The more I learn, the more I want to study. And the more I study, the more I want to discuss. For this reason, I told myself that my daily devotion, attending two weekly Bible study sessions, preaching at church, etc., were excluding me from my usual circles because anything I contributed would likely be seen as “too deep and wonderful”. But it’s quite possible that I’ve been stifling and shutting down the very things that God has given me to say that would encourage others to come higher, go deeper, and stretch wider. But diet is a personal choice, it’s not a collective decision. So, my Biblical appetite is different because my ministry is different. And this month has taught me that the enemy doesn’t use my failures to disqualify me, instead, he uses the spirit of loneliness to make me feel ostracized, abnormal, extraterrestrial, other than, etc. And this ultimately causes me to dim my light, take cover, and hide. But the more I learn to recognize loneliness settling on me, and I push through this false perception the enemy has created, the more I will find both my peers and the women assigned to my ministry.

I mentioned in my January blog that I’d entered a new year, but I was in the same season. The year 2022 was an acceleration of opportunities in both ministry and my professional career. And here I am in the first three months of 2023 experiencing an acceleration of personal and spiritual growth. Every month has been a mystery so I have no idea what April will bring. But here’s to healing and wholeness in every area of my life!